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New Jersey Photographer

Okay.  Usually I’m not all about promoting myself.  I like to try to let my work speak for itself and not force it on other people. However, I’m about to graduate from Monmouth University in less than three months with a degree that’s concentrated in Photography and I feel it’s about time to expand my audience.  If I don’t proudly promote myself I can not expect others to do so.  I take so much pride in what I do…it is my life’s passion.  For me, taking a photo goes so much deeper than just taking the photo.  The feeling I get from making images is one I equate with being in love, because that’s how it truly feels.

I am keeping this post short and sweet in the hopes that whoever comes across it can get a sense for the love I have for my art and will move along to the link I am providing and be able to then see that love. Enjoy!

As always, I am RJ and here is a link to my photography page: RJLennon Photography

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Here we go.

I keep trashing every blog I begin tonight.  I don’t know what it is.  Nothing sounds right, nothing is flowing properly, and I’ve backspaced the end of this sentence a solid five times already trying to come up with a third sentence closer.  Why do I need a third anyway?  I feel like I learned that in grammar school…if you’re writing an essay always have three ideas to touch on such as, “this, this and the other thing.”  Whatever, this isn’t an essay.  I’m writing a blog for the sake of writing a blog right now…and I know you guys have heard my “forced writing is bad writing” line before, so I’ll save it.

Lately, I’ve been turning to my dreams as my artistic inspiration.  The things I’ve written, the things I’ve shot, and the things I plan to shoot were and are all memories of thoughts that sped through my unconscious mind as I slept.  Dreams that I can’t get out of my head.  They’re imprinted there, stuck, as if they’re supposed to be there.

Remember our dancer friend from Language?  If not, go check it out…I’ll wait here…Okay, great.  Now that we’re all caught up, she began as a daydream and has followed me day in and day out, while I’m awake, while I sleep, my mind’s creative representation of what I long for.  These dreams, sometimes so real  I wake to a bitter disappointment that everything happened in my head.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to make it all real.

As always, I’m RJ and hey, a girl can dream right…?

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Spinning (April 23, 2012)

My sweetest insecurity,

just made my heart skip a beat.

The most beautiful smile and a knack for making me weak.

The way your mouth cradles your words, you let them out so perfectly,

carefully, your sincerity,

I can’t believe

you noticed me.

You get close, too close is not close enough,

I can’t get enough, you’re a rush,

sweetest touch, maybe it’s lust

but I want it to be more

than that.

As of late this heart of mine has been a revolving door,

I’ll admit it, I’m not ashamed for you have changed

that, my outlook is new because of you.

The door still spinning but you’re the only one coming through.

Keep coming through

until me and you

are spinning out of control.

It’s wild, what a rush, you’re a free spirit, you don’t ask for much.

I take too much, I’ve mistaken lust

before, but this is more,

you are more, can we be more

than friends?  You hold me like no one else,

freeze time,

we’re intertwined,

I feel your heartbeat,

steady,

are you ready?

I will wait because I know certain things in life are worth waiting for.

You make me break my rhythm,

falter out of step,

check,

keep myself in it if I can,

but I can’t cause my plans go awry

every time I see your face,

hold you close,

better than most,

stop motion falling slowly,

tiny phrases changed my way for,

anything you could possibly ask of me.

Ask me,

I think I called you pretty – yea pretty perfect.

You are beautiful,

and I

am spinning out of control.

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tangled.

lines. strings. beat.

entwined, stretched, cutting the circulation, can’t breathe.

smile. no, stop. don’t do that.

you kill me. you’re beautiful.

intoxicating. i’m drowning. don’t save me.

i don’t need you to save me.

you did this.

i got this.

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I’ve always been impulsive.

Well, it sure has been a minute hasn’t it? Happy New Year (almost a month later).  A lot has been happening this year already. I’ve taken confidence to a whole new level.  I named 2012: “The Year of the Why-The-Fuck-Not?” Every opportunity that is handed to me, be it in love, school or work, I take.  Whenever I find myself able to do something that scares me, I do it.  Own my feelings, hold my head high, smile, encourage others to shake their sadness and CHOOSE to be happy.  Choose to be confident.  Look in the mirror and love every single thing that is staring back at me.  Why the FUCK not?  On an unrelated note, there shouldn’t be such a taboo on that word, I’ve decided.

I’ve always been impulsive.  I do like to plan, but there’s something about the split second decision, with little to no time to back out, that “no time to be a chicken, must move forward” attitude that I loved so much about myself.  I’ve gotten three tattoos on the fly, oops, sorry mom and dad, on the bright side they’re inconspicuous.  I’ve picked up and gone to the city with no plan, just to shoot…shoot what?  Anything.  Everything.  Hopped a train to wait in line and hopefully snag tickets to a Devil’s game the day of.  No plans, just ideas and a why the fuck not attitude.

I’ve stopped being impulsive.  Maybe it came with a little bit more age.  I know, I know, I’m 21.  But I don’t feel 21, that’s just the number my driver’s license and birth certificate say that I am.  “With age comes responsibility,” they say.  But I don’t think age, responsibility and impulse should clash, why can’t the coexist harmoniously?  Maybe not so much impulse as spontaneity.

This will be a year full of impulse. This will be a year full of spontaneity, confidence, creativity.  I will prosper.  I will thrive.

 

As always, Sincerely, the new and improved version of myself, Rebecca, who didn’t care to force this post to follow a single thought process.

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Why is it

That when you finally work up the courage to give up on something, a thought or a feeling, when you finally decide its time to stop dwelling on it and move forward that it decides it’s ready to make the move you’d been waiting for? How do you know how to respond? How to handle a situation that presents itself so carefully, pleasantly, non-threateningly but makes you sick for all intents and purposes?

I wrote a bit today. I need to start writing again.

As always, I’m still RJ, and this week, today especially, has been…ugh.

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Dear Dante,

It is currently 12:22 am on September 13th, 2011, the day AFTER your birthday. I realized very late in the day what the date was, and maybe that was a good thing, because thinking of you only hurts my heart. I’m laying in bed in my new house wishing I could hug you and tell you all about my days and all of the things I’ve been doing for the past six and a half years. I feel like you know about most of them because I try to keep you as up to date as I can, but then I have moments where I am a terrible granddaughter and I get so caught up in what I’m doing that I don’t take the time out of my day to pray to you. But I know that you know how much you mean to me, how incredibly special you are and how highly I always have and always will think of you. I think of you every single time I pick up my camera and every single time I look at my wrist, you are the heart that has found it’s home there, and I know you are with me always. You, sir, are the heartbreak that will never heal. I miss you more with each passing day and I would give anything to talk to you again, to hear your laugh, see your smile…I can’t even stop the tears, poppy. Please continue to watch over us, and maybe in your way let me know how you’ve been, by the way, forgot to ask, did you see the photograph I made about you hanging in the student show this past spring? You, Dana and I were all on the wall, a real family affair. I hope I make you proud, lord knows I try.

We love you and we miss you always. Happy Belated Birthday,

Rebecca Jean.

I wasn’t going to include my usual line, but as always, I am RJ and I’m obsessed with my family.

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