Ever say something you wish you could take back while it is still exiting your lips? That occurrence happens to be the story of my life. I say things that make even me cringe and wonder why the heck people listen to me in the first place. I say things, for example, that come in the form of embarrassing pop culture references that no one, and I mean no one should catch or remember. See, I have a big problem: I sometimes think I’m funny. When you think you’re funny, you’re probably not. I understand and embrace this, I mean, at least I amuse myself, that’s all I need. But there are people out there stroking their egos, thinking they are the funniest things to grace the planet when in all actuality, they’re terrible…just saying. But back to my first question. Have you ever said something and immediately wanted to take it back but simply saying “I take it back” just wouldn’t cut it? Yea, me too. In fact, I do this on the daily. I’ll say something that makes me smack my hand to my face and shake my head, like “what was I thinking?!” I sometimes find it so difficult to convey the messages that I would like. It happens, of course, only in person, when it is easier to become flustered and embarrassed when what I say isn’t being understood properly or if it just so happens to be found stupid by other parties.
One of my biggest joys in life is making other people happy. Making them smile, making them feel good, laugh, you know the drill. So sometimes I teeter on the edge of something being humorous and it being purely stupid in order to get the response I seek. Yes I may feel dumb after I say something that happens to fall off the cliff and into the pit of pure stupidity, I may regret saying some things, but in the end if the person I am seeking a response from is happier, it was worth it. It’s almost a curse; yes I’m cursed with the need to make others laugh, even if it happens to be at my own expense. With some people, I barely have to try, but when it is difficult to make a person laugh, I feel almost a sense of accomplishment in doing so. Take my dad for instance. The man’s got a great sense of humor but he also knows how to control it, so I literally celebrate when I say something that makes him belly laugh.
Another thing I am cursed with is a fantastic memory. If a conversation is with someone I deem important, I can remember even the most minute details and recall them during later conversations. You’d think this would be a good thing, right? Wrong. Because maybe it’s just that conversations had with me aren’t important enough to remember or maybe some people just have a harder time recalling information, but either way, I feel really stupid when I bring things up that others don’t remember. The only time this is a good thing is when I say something really stupid, and the person doesn’t remember. But of course, the stupid things are what people remember most, so this doesn’t happen often. And even when it does I continue to prove my stupidity by bringing up an old thing I said that was stupid, thinking people would remember, but then when they don’t it’s as if they have heard it for the first time again, and what happens? Ridicule.
I’m RJ, and this is just something to think about (or not)…